Turd Burglar

There I am, clocking back in from 'lunch' with my friend, Fancy Pants.

Spokes: I have to pee. (as I turn and start walking towards the restroom)

Fancy Pants: Mind if I go (rasing an eyebrow to question whether or not I have to take a duke {dookie})

Spokes: I said PEE... not shit.

I hate acting like a typical girl and going to the 'powder room' together, but at this point I didn't realize I needed somebody there to point out at a later time just how much of an idiot I can be.

Fancy Pants picks her stall. I'm sure without even thinking about it. She didn't realize that if I didn't want any neighbors that it really only left me with the Handicap/Person with Disability stall. No problem, I don't mind the extra room.

A lady walks in and joins 2 other pissers, Fancy Pants and myself. Looking at the arrangement of ladies who had already picked the prime stall real estate, the Turd Burglar probably thought the same thing I did - GO FOR THE HANDY STALL!

With a certain confidence, I sat there in mid stream as she tries to open my stall door. I even smile a little confident grin. Which kind of quickly turned to a look of shock as I look this stranger that I've seen a million times in the face. Thoughts pass through my head (What do I say? How the fuck did you crack the code to get in here? Why are you still looking at me?) Turd Burgler quickly shuts the door. Says her awkward apologies while fumblilng into the stall next to me.

Fancy Pants and I make our way to the sink, hunched over and trying not to laugh out loud (LOL). We get to the door, and halfway down the hall before we bust out laughing. We can hardly make it back to the office where of course Fancy Pants will not let me crawl under my rock in shame. That's not how we do it in our office. I tell the story to anybody that will listen. Some can barely catch their breath as my face turns even more red.

Moral of the story: Only pee and duke in stalls that you can quickly kick shut.